In my part of the world, there is a saying in the streets: Saturdays are for “owanbe“. ‘Owanbe’ is a Yoruba word used to describe parties. So, here, most parties are held precisely on Saturdays. You have the Funeral ceremonies (which they don’t joke with), and you have the weddings (a delight to see for anyone), just to mention the most common two. There are lists of others.
You see that wedding ceremony, it’s full of flair- the bride in her flowing white gown, the bridal train, and those beautiful ladies in those bridal colors. You can’t but immerse yourself in the beauty of that event- the wedding ceremony.
Yet, marriage starts when the wedding ceremony ends. The wedding ceremony lasts for a day at the maximum, but marriage lasts forever according to the template. So, marriage is one of the most profound commitments you can make in your life.
This lifelong journey requires more than just love—it demands a deep sense of responsibility, mutual respect, and the ability to weather the inevitable challenges that come with any long-term relationship. As such, it’s essential to ensure that you’re truly ready for this significant step.
This is where self-tests come into play.
These self-tests are not about doubting your relationship or your feelings for your partner; instead, they are about ensuring that you are entering marriage with the right mindset, emotional stability, and practical readiness.
Just as you would evaluate your readiness for a major career move or a significant life change, you should also assess whether you’re genuinely prepared for the responsibilities and commitments that marriage entails.
Discover where you stand with these five crucial self-tests that everyone should consider before taking the plunge into marriage. A proper evaluation of yourself would help you gain clarity on your readiness for this lifelong commitment and ensure that you and your partner are both fully prepared for the journey ahead.
1st Test: Would You Marry Yourself?
Everyone dreams of finding the perfect partner, someone who ticks all the boxes and matches our ideal image of what a spouse should be. However, in the journey of marriage, this pursuit of perfection can be a recipe for disappointment. The truth is, no one is perfect—not even you.
Before expecting someone else to meet your high standards, it’s important to take a hard look at yourself and ask, “Would I marry me?”
To truly understand this, grab a pen and paper, and write down all your character traits, both the ones you proudly show to the world and those hidden habits and terrible parts of you that only you know about. Be honest with yourself. Think about the qualities that make you a good person but also the flaws that you know can be challenging.
Now, imagine that all these traits, both good and bad, were embodied in another person. Could you marry that person? Could you commit to living with them, day in and day out, for the rest of your life?
This exercise isn’t about self-criticism but about self-awareness. It’s easy to point out what we want in a partner, but it’s just as important to recognize what we bring to the table.
If you find that there are aspects of your character that would make it difficult for you to commit to yourself, then it might be time to reconsider whether you’re truly ready for marriage. After all, marriage is about accepting someone else with all their flaws.
In essence, “marrying yourself” means understanding that the person that is coming into your life may come with some baggage that may appear like the ones hidden in you, would you criticize the other person knowing full well that you are not completely innocent of those same things?
If you wouldn’t be willing to marry yourself—with all your strengths and weaknesses—then it’s a sign that there might be some personal growth needed before you’re ready to share your life with someone else.
2nd Test: Are You Emotionally Mature?
Marriage isn’t just about love and companionship; it’s about making difficult decisions that will impact both your life and the life of your partner. Some of these decisions may not always be favorable to one or both of you, but they are often necessary for the greater good of the relationship. In times like these, emotional maturity is essential.
Emotional maturity means having the ability to make tough decisions and stand by them, even when they’re unpopular.
It also means being able to say “no” when necessary, without feeling overwhelming guilt or fear of conflict. Equally important is the ability to accept a “no” from your partner without feeling hurt or letting it damage your self-esteem.
These are the moments in marriage that test your emotional resilience and your capacity to handle situations with grace and understanding.
The feelings of love, as powerful as they are, can sometimes be fleeting. When the initial rush of romance fades, it’s emotional maturity that will keep your relationship grounded. Without it, you might find yourself swayed by temporary emotions, leading to decisions that could harm your relationship in the long run.
Emotional maturity allows you to maintain a balanced perspective, understanding that while love is the foundation, it’s your ability to navigate life’s ups and downs together that truly sustains a marriage.
Before considering marriage, it’s crucial to assess your level of emotional maturity. Ask yourself if you’re ready to handle the complexities and responsibilities that come with sharing your life with another person. If you can answer “yes” with confidence, then you’re likely on the right path.
But if there’s hesitation, it might be worth taking some time to grow and develop in this area before making such a significant commitment.
3rd Test: What Is Your Financial Stand?
Love is undeniably sweet, but it becomes even sweeter when backed by financial stability. While it’s true that some couples with substantial financial resources still end up divorcing, this doesn’t negate the fact that a solid financial foundation is a crucial piece of the marriage puzzle.
Financial strain can place a significant burden on a relationship, and when needs aren’t being met, the love that once felt unbreakable can begin to fray.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of stress in marriage, often leading to conflicts that can drive a wedge between partners.
When finances are tight, every little decision—from daily expenses to long-term planning—becomes a potential flashpoint. In such situations, the pressure can cause misunderstandings, resentment, and frustration, all of which can strain even the strongest relationships.
That’s why it’s important to have a clear understanding of your financial standing before entering into marriage.
Having a good financial plan doesn’t just mean having a well-paying job or savings in the bank; it also means being on the same page with your partner about financial goals, spending habits, and money management. Are you both comfortable with your current financial situation?
Do you have a plan for how to handle financial challenges together? These are crucial questions to consider, as financial compatibility is just as important as emotional and personal compatibility.
The importance of financial stability in marriage cannot be overstated. While money alone doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage, it certainly helps in reducing stress and providing the security needed to build a life together.
Before taking the plunge, it’s wise to evaluate your financial situation and ensure that you and your partner are both prepared to manage your finances together. A strong financial foundation can support your love, helping it to thrive even in the face of life’s inevitable challenges.
4th Test: Are You Ready Spiritually?
Marriage is more than just a physical or emotional union; it’s also a deeply spiritual commitment.
Whether you realize it or not, companionship in marriage has a spiritual dimension that plays a significant role in the success of the relationship. To align properly on a physical level, there needs to be a strong alignment on the spiritual level.
When you enter into a marriage covenant, you’re not just committing to the person you love—you’re also taking on everything that comes with them, including their spiritual assets and liabilities.
Spiritual readiness is pivotal to the sustenance of a healthy marriage. If you’re not already handling your own spiritual battles and struggles, adding another person’s burdens to the mix can be overwhelming. Marriage is not just about sharing joys and successes; it’s also about facing challenges and supporting each other through life’s difficulties.
This includes spiritual challenges, which can affect everything from your emotional well-being to your relationship’s overall harmony.
Being spiritually ready means having a solid foundation in your own beliefs and practices, whatever they may be. It’s about being in tune with your inner self and having a strong sense of purpose and direction. This spiritual grounding helps you navigate the inevitable ups and downs of married life with greater resilience and understanding.
It also means being open to growing spiritually with your partner, supporting each other’s spiritual journeys, and finding ways to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level.
Before considering marriage, it’s essential to assess your spiritual readiness. Are you at peace with yourself and your beliefs?
Are you prepared to take on the spiritual challenges that come with being deeply connected to another person? If you can confidently answer these questions, then you’re likely prepared for the spiritual demands of marriage.
But if you’re struggling spiritually, it may be wise to address these issues first before committing to sharing your life with someone else.
5th Test: What’s Your Life’s Pathway?
Let’s be real: Marriage is a big deal, but it’s a step taken by individuals who are already on a personal journey—a mission, a path, a quest for purpose. This is why society generally expects people to reach a certain age before considering marriage, assuming that by then, they’ve developed a clear sense of direction in life.
However, age alone doesn’t guarantee that a well-defined life path has been established. Many people reach adulthood without having a clear understanding of their purpose or direction.
If you haven’t yet figured out where you’re headed in life, it’s crucial to do so before committing to marriage.
Without a clear mission or purpose, it becomes difficult to join your life with someone else’s. Think of it this way: the word “relationship” includes the word “ship,” and every ship is on a journey to a specific destination.
If you don’t know where you’re going in life, how can you effectively navigate alongside another person’s journey? Without clarity about your own path, you risk setting sail without direction, leading to potential confusion, misalignment, and dissatisfaction in your marriage.
Before considering marriage, take the time to reflect on your life’s path.
What are your goals, dreams, and values? What is your mission in life? Understanding these aspects of yourself will not only help you choose a partner who shares your vision but also ensure that your marriage is a partnership of two people moving in the same direction.
When both partners are clear about their individual and collective goals, they can support each other’s growth and work together towards a shared future.
In the end, marriage is about two lives coming together to form a new, united path.
To do this successfully, you must first know your own destination. Without this clarity, you may find yourself lost at sea, unsure of where you’re going or how to get there. Before you join another “sailing ship,” make sure you know where your own ship is headed.
Otherwise, you might find yourself drifting without purpose, struggling to stay afloat in the journey of marriage.
Takeaways
As you stand at the threshold of one of life’s most significant decisions, these five self-tests offer a powerful lens through which to examine your readiness for marriage.
Each test challenges you to look beyond the surface, to confront the realities of who you are, where you’re headed, and how prepared you are to embark on this lifelong journey with another person.
It’s not just about love; it’s about ensuring that you have the emotional maturity, financial stability, spiritual readiness, and a clear sense of purpose needed to build a strong, enduring partnership.
But here’s the twist—passing these tests doesn’t guarantee a perfect marriage; it simply means you’re entering into it with your eyes wide open, fully aware of what lies ahead.
The journey won’t be easy, and there will be storms to weather, but with these insights in hand, you’re better equipped to navigate the challenges and savor the joys that come with sharing your life with someone else.
The question remains: Are you truly ready to take that leap? Only you can decide.
I wish you well.
